Gawd, there's so much of this I identify with, Dave: ashamed of mistakes, feeling other people's mortification (which makes American Idol especially painful for me to watch; I also found the movie Meet the Parents uncomfortable), brooding over social faux pas, rehearsing future interactions . . . been there, done that, still do it.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm shy. They point out to me that I sing karaoke, for example. Or that I can be quite gregarious at parties. But they don't know how many years it took for me to sing karaoke for the first time. They've never seen the extreme lengths to which I'll go to avoid confrontation. They don't see how wearying social interaction can sometimes be for me, how there are times when I just don't feel like doing it.
I admit my introversion may not be immediately apparent. I think the things I do that are construed as "extroverted" can be explained this way: if it's something I feel I can do well, I'm OK doing it in public. This would explain the karaoke, for example. I'm not one of those people who gets drunk and has fun looking foolish on stage. No, I'll only sing a song I know very well, and that I'm certain is in my range. If there's any part of it that's too high--nope, I won't attempt it.
That's also why I don't have a problem with readings, though I've only done a handful.
I have no problems at parties where I know at least a few people. But if not, it's doubtful I would even enter the room.
Mind if I show this post to a friend of mine? She keeps telling me I'm not shy, and I have a hard time explaining it to her.
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People don't believe me when I tell them I'm shy. They point out to me that I sing karaoke, for example. Or that I can be quite gregarious at parties. But they don't know how many years it took for me to sing karaoke for the first time. They've never seen the extreme lengths to which I'll go to avoid confrontation. They don't see how wearying social interaction can sometimes be for me, how there are times when I just don't feel like doing it.
I admit my introversion may not be immediately apparent. I think the things I do that are construed as "extroverted" can be explained this way: if it's something I feel I can do well, I'm OK doing it in public. This would explain the karaoke, for example. I'm not one of those people who gets drunk and has fun looking foolish on stage. No, I'll only sing a song I know very well, and that I'm certain is in my range. If there's any part of it that's too high--nope, I won't attempt it.
That's also why I don't have a problem with readings, though I've only done a handful.
I have no problems at parties where I know at least a few people. But if not, it's doubtful I would even enter the room.
Mind if I show this post to a friend of mine? She keeps telling me I'm not shy, and I have a hard time explaining it to her.