Twenty-Six Enter, One Leaves

[snurri]

It's time to put the basic units of the English language to the ultimate test. You know what that means:

DEATHMATCH!!!

That's right. The ultimate tournament of alphabetical supremacy! Only one will survive, and you, the public, will choose the victor. You bloodthirsty literates, you.

Why? You dare to ask WHY?!? Because language is blood, you Philistine. Ask the Picts. Or the Philistines. JUST DON'T CALL THEM DURING DINNER. (It's spaghetti night.)

OH THE CARNAGE.

Are you ready? Is your blood up? Are you prepared to have your vowels disemboweled and your consonants culled?

There will be no mercy. Your keyboard will never look the same.

In case you need to be reminded of the combatants, here is an instructional video from James Earl Jones:

Sobering, isn't it? Thank you, James. I think we all understand the stakes, now.

Get ready. Voting will be open for forty-eight hours OR WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE CLOSING IT. (NOTE: VOTING IS NOW CLOSED.) The top vote-getter will receive a round two "bye." In the event of a tie letters will be forced to sing "Blue Eyes Crying In the Rain" in a contest judged by the judge. The judge will choose judge the winner judge and judge judge next judge round. Judge.

WARNING: Participating in this event may cause all written and printed text to appear as gibberish for a period of between twenty minutes and forty-thousand years judge.



Now, the poll:

[Poll #1060388]



Tune in Wednesday for the gory results, and for the BLOODBATH that will be ROUND TWO judge.

Comments

[megmccarron.livejournal.com]

bitch you is crazy

[ninebelow.livejournal.com]

In your face N!

[rnb.livejournal.com]

M is cheating.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

I?

[IS WINKING AT YOU ALL CREEPY]

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Ouch -- that one wasn't in the face!

[snurri.livejournal.com]

There are no rules, you know. ONLY SURVIVAL.

[rnb.livejournal.com]

M has a long history of cheating. Like Bill Belichick.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Fines will be assessed post-mortem.

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

What I find truly bizarre is that there are letters which are clearly better liked than others. I mean, *I* like Y better than B because it's both a consonant and a vowel, but why do others like it better?

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

J vs. Q? Jesus, that's so unfair to both.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Perhaps because it stabs better. Like T.

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

I wonder how many people's prefereces are being informed by Scrabble values?

[susansugarspun.livejournal.com]

Because they're both AWESOME?

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

Well, I'll admit I also voted for Q because it's much more fun than whatever it was up against. But the T vs the G? do these people not drink?

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Fair? FAIR? Was it "fair" when Z was dropped by the Romans and then added back in at the BACK OF THE ALPHABET? Was it fair when Charo's feud with Y sent the poor letter into bankruptcy? Was it fair when the poets decided "o'er" was more elegant than "over"?

Think about it.

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, none of my choices were made based on stabability. Which is terribly surprising given how many people I would have stabbed today if I'd had the chance.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Instead you can enjoy a tournament of ultraviolent orthography!

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

I had to vote for J! Obviously. But now I feel like such a cold-hearted b---h for having turned my back on Q like that.

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

Okay, I see Q is winning now. I feel better.

[barthanderson.livejournal.com]

Nah. Q only wins in tag-teams.

What is the letter we love?

[wheatland-press.livejournal.com]

Wisten and Weep, Witch...

Re: What is the letter we love?

[snurri.livejournal.com]

I love that there's a manual.

Sadly, W is on the ropes as I type this . . .

[davidbeall.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure that T is on steroids, and therefore I demand testing procedures.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Considering all the illegal holds G has been using, I think it all cancels out.

[msbelle.livejournal.com]

Oh my dear lord this made me laugh.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

Weirdly enough, I felt exactly the same way. Poor Q.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

Y! Y! Y!

What are you all thinking? What possible use could you have for B?

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

Oh, gods, J is winning again. By two votes! Oh, the guilt, the unbearable guilt.

Re: What is the letter we love?

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

I don't know why! Have you ever burped the alphabet? W is the most difficult and most satisfying letter by far.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

Q was asking for it!

Re: What is the letter we love?

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

So it's like the Everest of burped letters?

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

Bumblebees? Bebop? Botswana, Budapest, Bavaria, Barbados, Bali, Boise? Belchy burpy blueberry beer bubbles?

Re: What is the letter we love?

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. You get over that hump, it's pretty much all downhill.

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

We have rented Sesame Street Old School and we just saw this in context. It was teH awesome.

Jackie Robinson did one, too. Maybe he counted! I think he counted.

I am very tired, but obviously X will kill everyone

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Mission accomplished then, m'dear. :-)

[snurri.livejournal.com]

I dunno. S is making a very strong showing.

[hecubot.livejournal.com]

X Uber Alles!

I don't know what's up with the Q faction.

It's useless without U!

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

Feh. Tell me why Z is beating A, then! A is part of two of our major particles of speech - 'a' and 'an'... and 'and', for that matter. Without that letter our sentences would sound really funny - and yet there's Z, in the lead!

This isn't about reason, it's about glory!

Although bumblebees are cool. But so are yaks!

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

I know. So co-dependent.

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

Zamboni.

I rest my case.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

I must concede the point on A v. Z. Nothing can stand against zamboni might.

But as to B v. Y? What about the mens? Without 'Y' there would be no genes for them. Just a buncha women running around with a bunch of Xs.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Should have bracketed them against each other.

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

Hey, I voted for Y! I'm just pointing out that potentially there could be a case for B.

And let's not even talk about X vs. Y. Hopefully it won't come down to that! Oh, no.