The Current Theory
Novels are problems--really, they are a huge knot of problems. Where's the front of this thing? How does it go? Can I drive it from here to there? If I yank on this bit, what falls apart, and will I be able to put it back together? How do I make anybody else give a crap about this? You have to care about solving these kinds of problems in order to want to do something like this.
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How do I evoke the feeling of sad asparagus in this section?
Do I need the backstory on the revolt of the snails?
Is this a darling? Do I need to kill it? Maybe I should nurture it.
How to make this character More Funnier...
Isn't there some middle ground between sentimental glop and dry expositon? No? I thought as much.
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