Mumble Herder

Ah, high school. I'd probably have been an emo kid before my time if I'd wanted to let anyone know how depressed I was. This occurs to me today because iTunes has been popping up with my then-theme song, "Darkness" by the Police:

I can dream up schemes when I'm sitting in my seat
I don't see any flaws till I get to my feet
I wish I never woke up this morning
Life was easy when it was boring

I could make a mark if it weren't so dark
I could be replaced by any bright spark
But darkness makes me fumble
For a key
To a door
That's wide open

Instead of worrying about my clothes
I could be someone that nobody knows
I wish I never woke up this morning
Life was easy when it was boring

I can dream up schemes when I'm sitting in my seat
I don't see any flaws till I get to my feet
I wish I never woke up this morning
Life was easy when it was boring

- Stewart Copeland

Apparently Stewart wrote this song about the pressures of being a rock star, but it maps pretty effortlessly onto high school. It's funny how people who have no idea what depression is will shudder and talk of this song or that film or that book as being "depressing," when in fact the effect is so often the opposite; hearing someone articulate the way you're feeling can be a lifeline out of alienation. This song (and "Invisible Sun," since I had no idea Sting wrote it about the conflict in Northern Ireland--I grew up in the suburbs, what did I know from ArmaLite?) got me through junior year.

Cos' it's a bittersweet symphony this life...
Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die.
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down...
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah.
No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold.
But I'm a million different people from one day to the next.
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Well, I never pray,
But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah.
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now.
But the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now.

No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold.
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

(Well have you ever been down?)
(I can't change, I can't change...)
(Ooooohhhhh...)

Cos' it's a bittersweet symphony this life.
Trying to make ends meet, trying to find some money then you die.
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down...
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah.
You know I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold.
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next.
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

(It's justs sex and violence melody and silence)
(It's just sex and violence melody and silence)
(I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down)
(It's just sex and violence melody and silence)
(I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down)
(Been down)
(Ever been down)
(Ever been down)
(Ever been down)
(Ever been down)
(Have you ever been down?)
(Have you ever been down?)
(Have you ever been down?)

- Richard Ashcroft

(YouTube)