Mumble Herder

My dad's reaction to movies is usually pretty noncommittal. In part this is because Mom often picks the movies they see, in part because he just isn't that big into them; it's something to do now that he's retired and has evenings to fill. (Possibly another part of it is that he occasionally dozes through parts of what he sees.) So while we don't always agree, we rarely strongly disagree. There is one review from him, though, that pretty much guarantees that I will love a film. That's when he and Mom see a movie and Dad later reports:

"That was the worst fucking movie I've ever seen."

So far he's said this about "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," "Pan's Labyrinth," and now "Black Swan." I guess I have to see that last, now.

I think it's time that I admit to myself that I don't enjoy horror movies.

The problem with that statement, of course, is that "horror" is too imprecise a term. Is "Alien" horror? Is "Evil Dead 2," or "Scream"? Is "Silence of the Lambs," or even "The Talented Mr. Ripley"? I enjoy all of those films. But ED2 and "Scream" are really comedies, and the latter two lack the unpredictability of a supernatural or SF element. I'm not sure why "Alien" is an exception for me--maybe because I've seen it enough times now that I don't get tense watching it.

'Cause that's primarily the trouble. Scary movies make me tense and worried, and I don't enjoy that. That's more or less my default setting, anyway, and these films just make it worse. I like suspense, but I don't like going into a film knowing that people are going to get splattered and just waiting for it to happen. (And yet I'm not nearly as bothered by shoot-em-up flicks, so go figure.) There's also the fact that a lot of horror movies rely on slimy, oozy, dripping things, and I dislike those things enough that I'm always worried I'm going to puke. I haven't, to date--the closest I came was after the bit in "RoboCop" (not a horror movie) where the guy gets the barrel of toxic waste dumped over him and then splashes apart when the car hits him--but I'm always sitting there worrying that this is going to be the one that makes me hurl.

I watched "Slither" the other night, and it's a great movie, really funny, smart, excellent cast, really well done. But I didn't really enjoy it. I couldn't relax. Slugs, people. Ish. I spent the whole time clenched up on the edge of the couch. It was the same with "The Descent" (except for the slugs), which is objectively an incredible film, and one that I don't think I'd ever watch again. (The fact that I'm mildly claustrophobic may have something to do with this.) These are both good horror movies, I think, and I failed to get much enjoyment out of them. I think they're good, though, because they had me scared; the horror movies that don't scare me mostly feel like a waste of my time. That's how I felt about "The Ring" (the Japanese original), which I saw recently; I was intrigued, and mildly creeped out at the end, but ultimately felt like there wasn't much point to it. The only exception that's coming to mind right now is "Let the Right One In" (the original Swedish version), which was a well-made horror film that I really enjoyed and would definitely watch again. It's pretty up-front about what it is, though, and it's not gross (I guess movie blood doesn't bother me much). Again, I don't know how useful a term "horror" really is.

Maybe this is like Lovecraft; they say that if you read him at around age 14 you'll be a fan of his forever, and if you miss that window you'll never get it. I didn't read Lovecraft until my 20s, and I must have missed my window for horror flicks, too; I guess I was about 12 when I got too scared by "An American Werewolf in London" to watch the whole thing, and I kind of missed that whole '80s horror boom. I went back to watch some of them later--I sort of like "Halloween," because it's a really technically smart film--but most of them do nothing for me except wind me up and leave me wondering what the point is.

I guess the reason I care is that my experiences with "Slither" and "The Descent" are proof that there are really good horror movies of that type, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to enjoy them. Maybe if I got really drunk? That would seem to increase the danger of puking, though. Do y'all enjoy being scared by these things? Do I just need to medicate, or what?

- I finally saw "Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World." For about the first half I was gleeful; by the second half I was still gleeful, but I was also distracted by the things that had come out of the story in order to pack six volumes into one film that still felt a tad long. Good: The 8-Bit touches that they kept were great. Kim Pine was PERFECT. Also Wallace, and Gideon--pretty much all of the evil exes were great except the Katayanagi twins, who sucked. I'm sorry, but they did. This is related to the fact that my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE SCENE IN ALL OF THE COMICS was cut. That would be the one where Scott fights the Katayanagis' robot (which is of course named Robot-O1) at the Day of the Dead party but all of Scott's friends are so over his crap that the fight takes place almost entirely offstage while they bitch about him. I'm telling you, that should have been in the movie. I guess I'm sort of over Cera, too, which makes me a little sad because it seemed like I was the only person alive who still liked him. I still loved the movie and want to see it again; it's just that adaptations are always a horrible gloppy sad mess and it frustrates me. OH BUT I think I did figure out why I like the comics so much. It's because basically it's a story about my twenties, except that I was never Scott--maybe some amalgamation of Wallace and Young Neil, but playing lots of video games, reading lots of comics, mooning unproductively over various girls and hanging out at clubs listening to bands that seemed all that much better because almost nobody had ever heard of them. And I was hanging out with some people whom I was not exactly friends with, some of whom may have actually despised me, and yet we were all part of this Sphere of Tolerance that created a weird social cohesion. Which is an entirely idiosyncratic reason to enjoy something and I don't expect that most of you will relate to that at all. If you do, I sort of pity you. (Us.)

Today (Cont.):

- I went to the State Fair and saw robots, a gigantic knitted fish, a huge elephant made out of straw, an impressionist Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox that my friend Steve made out of tiny Post-Its, a bag of Tom Thumb mini-donuts for a brief time before they went into my face, Princess Kay of the Milky Way and a butter sculpture of same, my dad (who works at one of the admissions gates), a Native American drummer, a bottomless cup of chocolate milk WHICH I DRANK, an awesome Hmong-craft dragon WHICH I BOUGHT, sheep, chickens, ducks, horses, cows, pigs, and piglets--WHICH I HAVE DECIDED ARE THE MOST PERFECT FORM OF LIFE--at the Miracle of Birth building.

Today (Concluded):

- Is three weeks to the day until I turn 40. I do not normally get much worked up about birthdays--to the point where I often fail to celebrate them at all--but this one feels Big and has caused me some anxiety. Anyway I know that many of you will see it on Facebook when it comes around and leave the ritual wall posting, but I am telling you now because something. I dunno. You could get me something if you wanted, but I think it's more about wanting some sort of weird acknowledgment for being half dead. I don't know what that would be; I suppose you could stab me or something to remind me that I'm still alive. Or perhaps something more convenient for those of you who do not live nearby. If I figure it out I'll let you know.

My review of "Moon", the Duncan-Jones-don't-call-him-Zowie-Bowie-directed Sam Rockwell vehicle, is up at Strange Horizons. Guess what there are SPOILERS.

1. charlesatan interviewed me for the Nebula Awards website.

2. In case you were wondering, the Pope is still an asshole. I can't even comment beyond that, the whole thing makes me so angry.

3. GIANT FOSSIL NORWEGIAN SEA MONSTER!!! I don't understand why they named it "Predator X," though; no Public Enemy fans at the Natural History Museum of Oslo University?

4. In other dinosaur news, VICIOUS CHICKEN RAPTORS!!!

5. Last night I watched The Spirit of the Beehive, which was astounding. Did one of you tell me about this? The influence of Ana's character on Ofelia in Pan's Labyrinth is obvious. Fernando Fernán Gómez is in it, too. I wish I could speak about it coherently, but it's one of those films I need to digest for a while and watch again before I can even figure out what I think. What I feel, though, is that this is a film you should all see if you haven't already.

"Ma, sooner or later, there comes a point in a man's life when he's gotta face some facts. And one fact I gotta face is that, whatever it is that women like, I ain't got it."

What a great movie.

1. Haddayr pointed me to this story about animal communications in relation to natural disasters, particularly the tsunami, and focusing on elephants and infrasound. Good stuff.

2. I am in the midst of a renaissance of the album. For a long while I've mostly listened to my music on shuffle, because I liked to pretend I had my own radio station. This week I am enjoying settling in with one artist for a while. Lots of PJ Harvey, for some reason.

3. Have you heard about Titanoboa? Is it not the most awesome thing ever? (Yes. It is.)

4. I have a sudden need to re-watch The Wild Bunch, but I don't have it on DVD and I no longer have a VCR. I believe this is what is referred to as a TECHNOLOGY FAIL.

5. Fanboys opens in selected cities this weekend; I was going to tell all of you in those cities to go see it, but early indications from RottenTomatoes are that all the fucking around has made it into a shitty movie. Shame.

I wasn't expecting all that much from Revolutionary Road, frankly. Watching the trailer I felt like I knew exactly what the movie was going to be, thematically, and mostly that was the case. You know what I mean; it's a film about The Sacrifices We Make, for stability, for love, for children. There's also a bit of We Were Supposed to Be Different in there, and a dollop of Work Without Passion Will Kill Your Soul. We can argue about how valid any of those themes are, but the primary problem is that they are very, very familiar themes, one might almost say worn out. Note that I'm talking about the film, here, and not the novel by Richard Yates, which I have not read. I am perfectly willing to believe that the source material was deeper and more subtle. There are hints of this in DiCaprio and Winslet's performances, that really their disillusionment is not with the world but with themselves. This is the We Were Supposed to Be Different theme, the more interesting of the above, but the film itself is coy about confronting it, mostly leaving it up to the leads to bring it forth. Which they are perfectly able to do--Kate and Leo are both at full strength in this picture, spinning apart in spectacular fashion--but they are forced to do so by transcending the material, which means somewhere along the line someone fell down on the job. Scenes with Michael Shannon as the institutionalized son of the couple's realtor provide welcome relief from the melodrama, as he bears vocal witness to their last-ditch attempt at escape and its inevitable unraveling. His scenes are the only part of the film that doesn't feel at least a bit rote; every other step of the fall is telegraphed, making the film feel far longer than its two-hour running time, and not in a good way.

Did I enjoy this film? Yes. Does it have problems? Many.

( Heath Ledger = Good. )

Critique by Dave

George:

You know I like these stories, and I was excited to read this. I've been hard on your last few submissions, but I was hoping this would be a return to form. I do think there's some good stuff in here--the action scenes, for the most part, are really well done--but in the end I had a lot of problems with it.

( I hate to say it, but you lost me right at the beginning. )