OMG People At the Table Next to Me In the Cafe

[snurri]

If you do not stop kissing I will kill ONLY ONE OF YOU and leave the other to suffer forever.

Comments

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

Make sure there is lots of blood and screaming.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't worry. This laptop is just heavy enough.

[ecmyers.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha! Are you sure they didn't just meet for the first time?

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Pretty sure, because it is the "We are studying except every ten minutes I need to be reassured that your lips are still there 10-20 times in succession" sort of kissing.

[rnb.livejournal.com]

I think the worst punishment is probably to just let them live and run the course of their relationship. That shit's always doomed anyway, yo.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Dude, you are as bitter as me. I approve.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

You are both wonderful.

[jk-fabiani.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! That's teh blunt!

[gregvaneekhout.livejournal.com]

I bet they'd stop if you tried to kiss them both yourselves.

Or maybe not.

Only one way to find out.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

I suppose it would replace that problem with another one. The police.

[gregvaneekhout.livejournal.com]

Kiss the cops, too.

(Wasn't "Kiss the Police" an NWA b-side?)

[snurri.livejournal.com]

I think we used to play that game. "Kiss the Cop"? Isn't that where the nightsticks come out?

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Is that what the kids are calling them these days?

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Haven't they always?

[ecmyers.livejournal.com]

The way that slaughtering one of them in cold blood won't? :P

[snurri.livejournal.com]

It's just that, you know, with the kissing I get all caught up in the moment? And with the killing I tend to just make menacing faces afterward and then disappear into the shadows? I'm like a ninja, or something.

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

Ninjas get all caught up in kissing moments?

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Um. Kissing ninjas do?

[tacithydra.livejournal.com]

No wonder this is a little-heard-of ninja tribe. Clearly not a good ninja survival trait.

[colonelrowe.livejournal.com]

Your hate can't stop true love old man!

[snurri.livejournal.com]

I'd be willing to wager otherwise.

[bondgwendabond.livejournal.com]

Oh, Billy Crystal.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Ouch!

[jk-fabiani.livejournal.com]

Spring has sprung.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Among other things.

[tim-pratt.livejournal.com]

Actually, I bet if you started loudly critiquing their technique, they'd probably lay off.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Heh. "HOW DOES HER ESOPHAGUS TASTE, ANYWAY? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST ORDER THE GIBLETS?"

[ecmyers.livejournal.com]

YOU SOUND LIKE OWEN MEANY.

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

A) I totally love you.

B) Don't do that, they'll just put up a shrine to the dead one and weep loudly. And other people may join in the weeping. (And they may meet someone cute, while weeping, and start a whole new relationship, and before you know it you're a serial killer.)

You need a way to destroy the relationship without making anyone a martyr.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

In which case I think Ryan's got it right.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

That sounds like it would take a lot of energy. Killing seems easier.

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

I was going to suggest yelling at the guy for dumping you for that bitch. Even if it didn't seem believable, you could probably make them uncomfortable enough to leave.

[jamiam.livejournal.com]

Wow. All of my suggestions involve prison time. And gasoline.

[czakbar.livejournal.com]

Bring a camera with you from now on, and when this happens, start taking pictures. If they get upset with you taking pictures of them, get upset with them for getting in the way of the shot you want of whatever is behind their two-headed monster body.

[secritcrush.livejournal.com]

hee genius.

I was going to suggest barfing noises like a 6 year old would do, but that's much better.