Jebus Cripes Already

[snurri]

Dear Hallmark, Hershey's, FTD et al:

Why don't you just declare February "VALENTINE'S MONTH" and get it over with?

I hate your candy hearts,

Dave

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_stranger_here/]

Post-VD chocolate sales are a good thing, though.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

I cannot respond to your comment because your icon has driven me to apoplexy.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_stranger_here/]

Maybe this one's more your speed?

[snurri.livejournal.com]

It's the candy hearts in general. They've had some out at my (otherwise wonderful) coffee shop for the past week. The first time I saw them I could not keep the sneer from my face.

[bondgwendabond.livejournal.com]

Just console yourself that the human heart actually looks really gross.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

But tasty!

[jocelina.livejournal.com]

I would also like to politely request that De Beers and all other diamond vendors STFU immediately. If I hear one more commercial intimating that the hearts of women everywhere are irreparably shattered when their husbands/boyfriends/sons fail to buy them diamonds on February 14th, I am pretty sure my own heart will explode with rage and irritation.

[livia-llewellyn.livejournal.com]

If Kay Jewelers would just change their commercial song to "Every Killing begins with "Kay", then I'd buy a fuck-ton of diamonds! To kill people with, of course...

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Embarrassing fact: it took me YEARS to realize that the point of that jingle was a spelling pun. I thought they were actually saying that no one gets a kiss unless you buy jewelry from them, so I just tuned those commercials out entirely for making such a ridiculous claim.

Sometimes I R Dum.

[wheatland-press.livejournal.com]

During the December Holiday onslaught, My youngster and I sang it as "Every Knife begins with Kay!"

Agree completely on this holiday. As the kid put it, "What a great idea! Let's devote a whole day to making people feel inadequate!"

[jocelina.livejournal.com]

I am glad to know I'm not the only one who was a little slow to catch that.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

The same thing happened with that expression for lost things, "It'll be in the last place you look." I would just sort of laugh uncomprehendingly when people said that to me, because I thought it was just one of those dumb old sayings that make no sense. I mean, it's still a dumb old saying, but it kind of makes sense.

[used_songs]

OK. So I'm not the only one. V actually had to sit me down and explain this to me. I felt really dumb. She still laughs whenever the commercial comes on and I look sheepish.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

If there are so many of us that didn't get it, it MUST be the jingle's fault.

[used_songs]

I think it's due to the nausea induced by the sickly sweetness of it. It makes us dizzy and unable to think clearly. :)

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Shit. Guess I best return all them diamonds I stoled.

[shaolingrrl.livejournal.com]

I bought my own god-damned diamond. My most significant of others has a higher purpose than that.

[rnb.livejournal.com]

The worst thing about Valentine's Day is that the candy all seems to be really weak. For some reason, Easter and Halloween always get better candy assortments (although I will grant you that nothing is worse than Easter Peeps. They're nightmarish.)

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Easter Peeps are coming to kill you.

No, I mean right this second. I'm trying to warn you.

[kameron-hurley.livejournal.com]

I crush candy hearts.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Do you use your heel or your fist?

[the-flea-king.livejournal.com]

Kinda makes you wonder what holiday they are going to invent to try and get some of our tax "rebate" dollars this spring.

[snurri.livejournal.com]

I think that holiday is called The Big Deficit, Brought to You By the Iraq War.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Do not say that anywhere my mom is likely to read it, or I will be stuck putting up Deficit decorations with her and singing Deficit songs. You may think I'm kidding. She knows a lot of Tom Lehrer, and she's not afraid to deploy.

[shaolingrrl.livejournal.com]

I'll sing with your mom!

Okay, but how 'bout if...

[colonelrowe.livejournal.com]

Is it okay if we like Valentine's Day if we don't like the candy hearts?

Re: Okay, but how 'bout if...

[(Anonymous)]

No, it is NOT okay to like Valentine's Day. Ever.

Re: Okay, but how 'bout if...

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

oops; that was me.

Re: Okay, but how 'bout if...

[colonelrowe.livejournal.com]

But I've already made reservations!

Re: Okay, but how 'bout if...

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

Sorry, dood. I don't make the rules; I just enforce them.

Wait a minute. I don't even enforce them.

fuck.

Re: Okay, but how 'bout if...

[bondgwendabond.livejournal.com]

And by reservations, he means we're competing in a themed Alleycat bike race:

http://www.lexrides.com/loverboy.htm

I think the commercial side of Valentine's Day is really, really annoying regardless... but especially so when you're single. My own complicated feelings are on record.

Re: Okay, but how 'bout if...

[snurri.livejournal.com]

I'm not telling you not to like V-Day, just as I would hope you aren't telling me I should. If you're sick of people complaining about it every year, fair enough and mea culpa; but it's a drop in the bucket to the couple-up-or-fail bombardment on the other side.

[jonhansen.livejournal.com]

Would you feel better about the holiday if you just imagined the Valentine's Day displays as representations of the Aztec sacrifices to their various deities, rendered in chocolate?

[snurri.livejournal.com]

Probably not.

Points for effort, though.

[jonhansen.livejournal.com]

It's because I care, man.

[10yroldwhizkid.livejournal.com]

My birthday is the day after Valentine's Day. People would always give me the candy they left in their lockers in grade school. So eventually I saw it not as "Everyone hates conversation hearts", but "Everyone knows I love conversation hearts. They are just saving them for me. In the bottom of their locker." Hell I even like the sour ones. I am horrible.

I do hate Valentine's day though! I swear! If not for St. V, my birthday would still be a major holiday of animal sacrifice!

[snurri.livejournal.com]

I love this story. It's beautiful and tragic, and has a bittersweet aftertaste.

[o-kiki.livejournal.com]

There must be something in the air today as my tolerance for all things Valentine’s is completely exhausted. The last straw, I believe, was last night when I popped into Wal*Mart* for some milk and there were THREE cages(the ones usually filled with giant playground balls), filled to bursting with pink and red plushies right when you walk into the damn store. I thought I was going to vomit. To make matters worse, there were two clueless teenage guys rummaging through one cage looking for a white bear, no, that one has too much red… she wants a white one. ARGH!!!

*I usually don’t shop there, really, because they are evil, but it was late and I had forgotten to buy milk at the local Fresh store and my God, I paid $3.19 for whole milk…

[snurri.livejournal.com]

My suspicion is that now that Halloween retailing has pretty much maxed out, they're trying to milk V-Day for all they can.